


everlong (those same old fears)

by Pixielle



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: (Discussions not regarding Billy & Steve), Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Autumn, Explicit Consent, Explicit Sexual Content, Future Fic, Growing Up, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Polyamory, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Robin Buckley & Steve Harrington Friendship, Sex Toys, Teacher Steve Harrington, Topping from the Bottom, and it took everything in me not actually call it that, feat. an incredible thigh harness as an homage to Steve's kink for Billy's thighs, i need you to know that the working title for this was 'lesbians know everything'
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:15:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27237124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pixielle/pseuds/Pixielle
Summary: Life's always changing, but right now Steve's getting hit a little harder than normal. But after a good chat with Robin, some things click into place for him.(feat. autumn aesthetics & realistic grown up chats abt life, love, and sexuality)
Relationships: Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington, Robin Buckley & Steve Harrington, Robin Buckley/Heather Holloway, Robin Buckley/Heather Holloway/Original Female Character
Comments: 1
Kudos: 50





	everlong (those same old fears)

The Uber door finally slams behind Steve when he’s already run halfway up the steps into the Amtrak station, while also trying to put his wallet back into the back pocket of his grey slacks under his jacket. 

He’s running late, one of his student’s parents having also been late to pick up and at the age he’s teaching (he admits on a regular basis, happily, that he’s basically a glorified babysitter) it was necessary to wait around.

He can already see the look on Robin’s face.

The past six months had been a pretty big adjustment since she moved to Minneapolis after graduating college last May. Heather had gotten a job offer and it had made sense for the two of them to take the opportunity in the season of life they were in.

Steve totally understood, and he was so happy that it had been such an easy transition for them so far! 

But. 

He’s missed his best friend. 

He ponders it a little, actually gives it some thought now that he knows she’s mere yards away and he probably won’t cry about it. 

(That was a fun day in late July when he had to explain to Billy that no, he wasn’t in pain. He just really missed Robin.) 

Friends really are magic, he can appreciate that now more than ever before. Someone that you’re not romantically entangled with that knows all of your bullshit. And who will listen to you and also, without hesitation, kick you in the ass and make you do the thing that you don’t want to do.

Not to mention having a friend that was also his age and also queer was irreplaceable when he was in his “figuring stuff out” phase. For that specific kick in the ass, he is forever grateful.

They’re literally so established that they do Facetime calls multiple times a week as they’re cooking dinner, and one night when Billy and Heather happened to get home at the same time, the coincidental matching “hey honey” cheek kiss that echoed through their AirPods made them both bend over laughing, to the point of snorting (Robin) and hiccups (Steve).

That’s what Robin is for him, and beyond. 

But Steve is a touchy person, he knows he is. He likes being able to “feel people’s auras” (like one of Robin’s witchy friends had once told him). Nothing made that more apparent than when she managed to get a weekend off and come back down to Chicago for 48 hours.

Robin is sitting on one of the cushioned benches towards the back working on her laptop when he spots her, glasses on. She looks good, healthy and freckled, somehow still hanging onto her summer tan a few weeks into fall. Her hair is piled on her head in a messy bun, her signature traveling look, and it’s even lighter than when he last saw her, nearing blonde at the ends. 

She’s a pretty person in an unconventional way, and seeing her in a shared space again after a while makes him understand his younger self, why he once thought he liked her romantically, even though he can’t see her in that way now. 

What’s some aesthetic appreciation among friends? Steve knows for a fact that Heather STILL finds Billy attractive, even though he’s long been out to her as gay. 

When Steve’s about five feet from her, she notices and sneers a sarcastic smile up at him, and he reaches out and pulls one of the tendrils sticking out of her bun like he’s seen Billy do to Max about a thousand times, “Hey Rob, sad to see you’re still a workaholic~” He closes her laptop for her, teasing.

“Hey, I’m glad to see you’re just as much a Tardy Tammy for appointments as when we were in high school,” Her pointer finger darts out from where she pulled them back to prevent them from getting squished in her laptop and digs it into the flesh of Steve’s stomach in front of her. When Steve bends over, laughing, she slides her laptop into her backpack and zips it up. She bustles her bags together, shoving her backpack and little weekender duffel over her shoulder. As he recovers and straightens up, she stands too.

“The least you could do is bring a bagel for me too this time around, Dingus.”

And Steve, he’s basking. It’s easy familiarity, like warm sunshine. The stuff he craves. 

Billy once theorized that Steve was born to a Cheaper By The Dozen family but was sold off to some rich assholes as a trophy child, and when Steve has people around him that really love him, he believes it. 

“C’mon then Bucklez, we’ll go to Starbucks, get a pumpkin bagel, walk through some piles of leaves, y’know, maybe feel alive for a little bit?”

“We’re gonna suck the serotonin right out of that pumpkin spice latte.”

\---

“Is there anything specific you’d like to chat about? I know that some things only feel right to say in real life.”

And there are things that Steve could say, little ideas pop out in his mind like daisies in spring, but nothing really lighthearted enough to say on a casual stroll. 

“Nothing really, I tend to keep you pretty updated on Facetime and there’s nothing… interdimensional… going on at the moment, as far as I know. The kids haven’t mentioned anything.”

Robin’s brows quirk up when she looks up to him, chuckling. “Good, me too. Erica called me last week and all she had to talk about was TikTok. No news is far better than bad news.”

Steve snorts, looping his arm with Robin’s as they continue to walk through the Chicago almost-suburbs. For a while it’s just in companionable silence, occasionally kicking dry leaves around. Robin hums for a bit, something Gorillaz, but Steve isn’t a big enough fan to figure out what it actually is, probably Dracula or something off their first album that she loves so much. Eventually though, the humming loses rhythm and sounds more debating, like Robin’s thinking. 

“So… I wasn’t sure if I should mention this because it’s so new I, we… met someone.” 

Steve’s eyes shoot open wide as he looks over to her, but he doesn’t interrupt. 

Yet.

“She’s someone we met over the summer, she was a production assistant on a shoot with Heather in August. There was this... spark.”

And that’s something Steve never considered could happen, they seemed so content in each other. Nothing seemed wrong at all this spring, and nothing came across on video chat, but it’s so hard to tell emotions when you’re not physically around them.

“Robin… have you decided what you’re going to do? I know you’re pretty happy up in the Twin Cities, but if you’d rather stay with us for a bit while you get back on your feet we’re more than happy to clear out the spare room so you don’t have to g-.”

“Steve…” Robin interrupts, touching his hand and making him stop as he rounds the street the coffee shop is on. When he turns back to look at her, the mix of pity and empathy in her eyes shoots him all the way back to the summer after senior year, the two of them sitting on that dirty mall bathroom floor.

“Heather and I, we’re fine. Better than fine, beyond fine.” A crooked smile pushes Robin’s cheek up, and it sends relief through Steve's anxious heart, “The spark was… it was between all three of us.”

“Oh.” Blinking, the realization makes Steve feel just as clueless as he was back then.

“Yeah. Oh.” Robin snickers, sticking the tip of her tongue out through the side of her teeth this time around though, and that makes him feel better.

“Well… That’s leagues better than having to break up a nearly five year relationship.”

“You’re telling me.” Two fingers reach out and poke him in the middle of his forehead, between the eyes, teasing like they Mind Melded. “It’s not even something that came up, to be honest. We’re… we’re together. No matter what. But, when we met her, it just worked out that we all felt the same way, it was serendipity.”

Steve’s brain turns over, marbles in a half full jar, and he looks around the street they’re awkwardly loitering on, “Okay. I swear I’m not being... weird, I’m just curious… is this a sex thing?”

Sex is something that is usually only referenced in a vague or joking manner between them, and Steve knows it. But he had to ask. 

A faint blush splotches across Robin’s cheeks and temples, but it fades just as fast.

“I’m not gonna start lying to you now, Steve. It started out that way. But… we caught feelings so fast. We barely made it three weeks of occasional hooking up before… Well… Now-ish...” 

  
“And???” Steve’s hanging onto her words, fascinated. Robin smiles, small, free hand coming up to cup the back of her neck.

“Heather and I have been talking about proposing a closed triad to her, if she wants to be our girlfriend, too.”

“Robin! That’s great! I’m so happy for you two!” He grabs her arm, enthusiastic for his friend's happiness.

“Thank you, Steve, for being so cool about it. We’ll see what happens but. It seems like it’ll work out.” Her smile grows, teeth showing in that way that only happens when she’s actually happy. Steve knows it well after spending four years of watching Customer Service Robin’s tight lipped smile. Her expression suddenly changes when she realizes something, her smile spreading into a Cheshire cat grin.

“Wait, dingus, I just realized!” That was so sweet of you to offer me your spare room!!!” Her arms throw themselves around his shoulders, the hair sticking out of her bun tickling his nose and he stumbles back a step before he chuckles. “Not that I’d ever take that, even if I was forced under a bridge like a troll, y’all are too much for me on a good day. I don’t think I’d ever sleep again.”

How funny. One of those thought daisies from earlier got plucked, but it’s probably not the right time to talk about it, so Steve just laughs back.

When she pulls back, she pecks his cheek and takes his arm again, “Now c’mon. It’s almost four, if we’re getting coffee, we’ve gotta get going. You’ll be up all night and not even in a fun way.”

-

Robin and Steve emerge from the coffee shop about an hour later with a slice of pumpkin bread and a salted caramel hot chocolate for Billy. They decide to just walk back to the condo, it’s about a 30 minute walk and they’re both fast walkers by nature so it’s probably closer to 20 minutes. The air is crisp, not cold, but he’s glad that Robin has her maroon bomber jacket on to keep the occasional gust of wind off of her skin. 

Steve lets the bag with the little treat swing between him and Robin as he walks and he steals a sip of the hot chocolate to steel his nerves. The warmth nearly burning down his throat does help, oddly enough.

“Hey Rob?” Steve’s throat bobs lightly as he clears it.

“Hmm?” Robin adjusts the bag on her shoulder before looking over to Steve. 

Her face is so open, interested. 

She cares about him, she’ll understand.

“How did you know it was okay to think about other people like that? How did you even start to think about that?”

A surprised look comes across her face, but she doesn’t jump to conclusions with her detective brain first, like he thought she would.

“I guess it wasn’t ever off the table. Heather and I have always talked about when we see people we find attractive. Every couple has different boundaries, how far they want to take things. Why do you ask?”

“I just… the amount of trust you two have is incredible. I mean, I don’t know if I could be 400 miles away from Billy knowing what you know about what Heather might be doing right now.”

Robin’s face screws up a little in reaction, but soon it evens out.

“It’s not necessarily trust, Steve. Sure, we “trust” each other, but I’m sure you know that when you’re actually in love the person you’re in love with doesn’t want to hurt you. Do you think that Billy would want to hurt you like that?”

“Of course he wouldn’t choose to hurt me, but sometimes… things just happen.”

Robin stops in her tracks and turns to face Steve.

“Steven Harrington. I know you’ve been through some shit, more than I have, but I need you to understand that cheating is a series of choices. Things don’t “just happen” in a good, healthy, adult relationship.”

And logically, Steve knows that. But still.

“So, if Heather hooked up with your almost-girlfriend without you there, would you be angry?”

Robin’s understanding flashes across her expression, like she can see through him.

“I would be disappointed, because we haven’t talked that through yet completely, but I wouldn’t be angry. I guess that is trust, because I know Heather loves me and wouldn’t do something that would upset me on purpose, given our past life experiences. Does that make sense?”

Their past life experiences. His past experiences. **Billy’s experiences.**

Woof.

He nods slowly, trying to smile with his eyes as he turns to keep walking. The marble jar that is his brain is about a quarter full at this point and he turns the cup in his hand to press at his temples.

“Steve, this isn’t about cheating at all, is it?” Robin’s voice wavers a little bit from where she is a step behind him, and even the hint that there’s something wrong and he caused it makes Steve’s stomach turn over. “I can feel- there’s something else going on, isn’t there?”

And she’s right.

“How can you just share Heather? How do I get over that… that feeling. That the second something goes wrong everything’s going to explode. I…”

And when he looks back to Robin, it’s like he’s an open book. She’s always been able to read him so easily.

“Oh, dingus… This is actually about insecurity. I completely understand that.” She touches his arm. 

“We’re the type of people who have a lot of baggage, and for our specific circle we might as well be stuck on the carousel at O’Hare for how much baggage we carry around. But here’s the thing, Stevie: everyone has baggage. Everyone’s insecure, even if they try to hide it. You can have the best, most picture perfect life and all it takes is a second to form trauma. Just in your first 18 years of life that’s like 500 million opportunities to be traumatized!!”

Robin’s voice tilts up as she gets more into it, her bachelors in Psychology and her four months as a social worker basically speaking through her. As they approach the building, Steve flops down on the stoop in front of his front door when he sees that Billy isn’t home yet, setting down the bag and cup before staring up at her with a laugh.

“Robin… You have to know that that’s not very reassuring.”

“Of course it’s not, but it will help you understand that everyone has their own shit going on. Every person you pass on the street, your families, and especially Billy. You have an advantage with him knowing a lot of what he went through! And sometimes people need to hear that it doesn’t have anything to do with you and you need to trust the process. Give each other space to breathe but also talk to each other.”

“We do talk. Constantly.” Robin sits down next to him, putting her duffel bag onto her lap and leaning on it, hands pillowed.

“You may think you talk a lot now, but do it more. Whenever you can. Do you think that Heather and I would even be thinking about dating another person if we weren’t able to talk through our shit together. No!”

Steve knows Billy has done so good over the years, growing and becoming the person he wants to become. Opening up the parts of himself that he can and pressing forward. But fear has some things still locked away, and Steve wouldn’t ever want to force him open like that. To break his trust would be a nightmare and he’d do anything to prevent that. But there has to be some give and take. 

He swallows down the nervousness, but as he goes to speak, she beats him to it.

“Hey…” Steve peers over at her where she’s got a little smile on her face. “I’m not shaming you. You two do amazingly, even without considering everything you’ve **both** gone through. And I know this is different, but everyone experiences love differently. Not everyone or every relationship is built for polyamory, and it’s okay for you to feel that way. I know that there are other ways to switch things up and make things interesting that are still within your comfort zones.”

Now, that’s curious. It’s like she read his mind.

“Sometimes I feel bad about… How touchy I am. I’m better these days because Billy and I know each other’s cues better, when we really need each other to step in or step away, but still. I feel bad asking for things constantly, it’s like I’m a needy child. And even… in the bedroom, I can feel more occasional hesitation where there wasn’t before, but he never pushes me away or denies me but I wouldn’t ever force him.”

“First of all, you’re not a child for wanting affection. And as for Billy… it seems like performance anxiety?” Steve shrugs. 

“Probably? He has no problem with every other kind of affection when he’s receptive but sometimes he’ll just clam up when I try to move on to something more intense. Other times he’ll be the one charging on through. It’s more the hot and cold that I’m struggling with. Like… sometimes rolling with the punches makes me feel a little bit… unwanted.”

Robin thinks, taking in a deep breath in the pause.

“PTSD can contribute to both hypersexuality and lower sexual desire, Stevie. Or maybe his desire just isn’t matching up perfectly with yours at this phase in life. All I can, almost, guarantee is that it has nothing to do with you as a person. Billy is absolutely **crazy** about you, has been for over half a decade. Maybe he just isn’t doing as well under pressure right now. ”

It’s a compelling thought, Steve knows that Billy has been under quite a bit of stress at work lately with end of year deadlines and even if that’s not all of it, it’s more than enough to have a discussion about. 

“Maybe he is feeling more down than I realized… Even when he’s trying not to, it’s like it’s second nature to hide stuff like that, it’s almost scary how easy it is for him.”

“Then maybe, for a while, try taking the pressure off unless he initiates. Do things that don’t require him to physically perform as much. Y’know… I could help, like get you a list of things that maybe would help you guys out with that… I have some ideas and you can pick and choose what feels right.”

“Uh…” The slight awkwardness in his body is natural, he convinces himself, as he shuffles his feet, watching Billy parking his car across the street, thinking. 

They’re all adults, grownups with careers and lives and more than shared trauma and ice cream, and the time apart, no matter how slight in the scale of their friendship, means that things are going to change. 

Maybe that’s okay. 

Maybe that’s good.

“Okay. I **trust** you.”

Robin winks at him as she stands, and skips across the sidewalk, throwing herself into Billy’s open arms. 

“Buckley!”

-

Monday morning he wakes up to various links in his message thread with Robin, some more obscene photo previews than others. Oddly enough, the thing that catches his eye is fairly innocuous, just a strip of leather, with velcro, and an o ring in the center, honestly looks more like a knee brace than a sex toy. He links back to it, and replies, “What’s this?”

Those three dots appear for a full minute, and eventually he just replies “Good Morning, Baltimore” because he **knows** that Robin and Heather are talking about him. If he believed in your ears burning or nose itching, he’d be a mess right now.

_“morningggggg 😴 and that’s a thigh harness, like a strap-on that wraps around your thigh.”_

Steve sputters, covering his mouth, while also trying not to jostle and wake up Billy this early on his day off or drop his phone. 

At least he got the leg part right. 

_“Robin I know you’re a lesbian and I forgive you if you forgot but there are already two dicks in this equation”_

He quietly chuckles at his own joke like a nerd, setting his phone down and gently carding through Billy’s sleep flattened curls for a moment. Billy curls even further into the pillow in his arms, content, making Steve’s face soften at the little sigh. 

When Steve feels the vibration on his leg and checks the notification, he ends up on the floor with a concerned, sleepy Billy peering down at him over the edge of the bed.

_"no, dingus, there are four dicks, three on a good day."_

…  
…  
...

_but think about it_

_it takes the pressure off and he can choose how involved he wants to be at the moment_

_from experience, it’s hot_

_lord knows you’ll like it based on how much you cream yourself over billy’s “thicc with two c’s” thighs on a normal day, you hoeee_ 🍆

About an hour of thoughts swirling through his mind later, over breakfast (twin bowls of boring oatmeal on the sofa watching ancient Twilight Zone episodes on Netflix), he places the order. Drops an excessive amount of Daddy Harrington’s money on faster shipping because he can’t wait.

Lesbians know everything.

Why did he ever doubt her?

-

The stuff gets in Friday, and Steve's eyes blow wide looking through it all. 

But as he thinks it through, a near-devious little smile grows on his face.

This was gonna be good.

-

Steve's on his back, slick fingers inside himself when he hears Billy's keys in the door Friday evening. He slicks up a simple silver plug and pushes it inside with a deep throaty breath and dresses in his normal autumn casual clothes, a hoodie and a pair of basketball shorts. It's an interesting sensation, peaked nipples grazing over the brushed cotton in a way that makes him even more keyed up.

He wanders out of the room and down the hall overly casually, possibly overcompensating, but when Billy looks over at him where he's hanging his outercoat on the rack, Billy's slightly-weary eyes light up. 

Billy walks the few steps up to Steve and hugs him, and that surprises Steve. It's not like Billy doesn't hug him, but it's obvious that Billy's still mentally in work mode with how he's propped himself into his posture. Slowly, he loosens in Steve's grip and after a moment, Steve turns his head and presses his lips to Billy's cheek, “Hey, baby. How was your day?”

“It was okay, actually. So glad it’s over.” Billy pulls back and squeezes Steve’s face between his hands, pressing an uncharacteristically smiley kiss to his cheek back, before wandering over to the kitchen. Billy grabs a bin of leftovers from the fridge and tosses it in the microwave, thick fingers seemingly pressing buttons at random and seeing them work over the surface makes Steve salivate lightly. He reprimands himself lightly, until he sees Billy bend down in the fridge to get a beer from the bottom shelf in his tight grey work pants, and abandons the ship that is trying to not ogle Billy. 

Steve follows over to the bar separating their kitchen from the living room, pulling his phone out of the pouch of his hoodie and puts it on some one of the more chill Spotify playlists that Billy always likes when decompressing from work. But when he leans over the bar to put it into the dock on their counter, he hisses quietly under his breath when the plug adjusts itself inside him at the movement. He’s so distracted with it inside of him that he misses the first time Billy asks him a question. 

Billy, now posted up in front of Steve at the counter and watching him curiously, forever a bit obnoxious by nature, pops his can open and snaps his fingers vaguely in Steve’s direction, but smiles at him when he speaks. “Hey, space case? Can you hear me out there?”

Steve folds his arms over themselves onto the counter in an attempt to look casua and shakes his head, “Sorry, I’m- I’m a little distracted! What’s up?”

Billy tuts, pulling the bin out of the microwave and grabbing a fork out of the drawer and moving to sit down on the couch.

“What I said was, no video chatting with Robin today?”

And Steve laughs a tiny laugh under his breath, “Nah, they have a little rendezvous tonight. Did Heather tell you yet that they’re hooking up with someone else on the regular? Together?”

Billy’s eyes go wide for a microsecond before realization pops onto his face. He nods, seemingly to himself as he thinks, “Makes sense. I figured something like that was up- I think she was trying to bring it up when we were texting over the weekend but didn’t know how to. Just told her to be safe.”

That sounded like Heather to Steve. She has always been a little bit more reserved to the guys on that front because of her upbringing, at least compared to Robin who’s always been able to joke about it, at the very least.

“Sorry to hold it back, but Robin told me to wait until they confirmed that she wanted to get together with them, and I got the confirmation less than an hour ago.”

“Huh?”

“Oh, they’re all together. Like girlfriends. Not, like, gal pals girlfriends either.”

Billy rolls his eyes with a chuckle, “Stevie, I get it. Good for them- I’ll have to text them my congratulations. Give newbie a good shovel talk.” He sticks his tongue out teasingly, rice still covering it. 

Steve jostles his shoulder, “Rude! You’ve gotta be nice to her, they want us to meet her tomorrow night on Facetime. Evidently she knows a lot about us. Our cover story for now is that we were all in a bad car accident in high school.”

“Got it.”

Billy pauses for a second, before he starts throwing back the stir fried broccoli like a starving man, and it hits Steve that he probably skipped lunch and it’s almost 7 as it is. Steve feels so bad having to bring that up now, but it’s most important to be on the same page. 

“So, erm, when Robin and I were talking about that last weekend, we had a little chat about life and love and stuff.” Steve cringes lightly as he sits down closer to Billy, trying to be as casual as possible but failing a little bit with the pressure still inside him.

“Hmm?” Billy’s slowing down, food mostly gone.

“Just- stuff about trust and how they even thought to start dating someone else, together. I found it interesting, enlightening.”

When Billy looks over to Steve, his posture is tight, mouth is pressed in a line, questioningly, “Steve…”

And Robin’s gong rings in his mind, the one about reassurance and fuck, he already failed the first step!

“No, Billy- I don’t mean- Ugh.” Steve shakes his head, trying to clear it, and thanks whatever deity that’s around for making Billy a more patient person as he’s gotten older. If Steve had made that mistake five years ago, Billy probably would’ve been out the door and down the street by now. Steve takes his hand off of his knee and touches Billy’s arm, rubbing his thumb over it.

“I don’t want anyone else, I feel so much for you and- I want to keep growing with you. So… I want to experiment a little bit more. Figure out some things, what’s good for you and for me. Because I love you, and I wouldn’t ever want to lose this, what we have.”

Steve feels like he’s just rambled on and on, incoherently, but by his expression Billy seems to understand what the gist of his speech was about. 

“I want to be good for you.”

Billy slowly nods, a quirk of a smile blooming onto his face, all open and trusting.

When they kiss, Billy tastes like sweet orange sauce.

When they pause for a breather, Steve leans back and stands up, stripping his hoodie and shorts off, revealing pale skin dotted like the night sky and a forest green jockstrap, in the same shade as those torturing short shorts from high school that drove them both insane. He couldn’t resist when he saw them on that website.

“I know work has been tough lately so to celebrate the end of the quarter- I got a surprise. Something that will let you sit back, relax, and just enjoy the show for a little bit.” 

“Hmm?” The corner of Billy’s mouth quirks up, smile going crooked in his interest.

And Steve’s on his last legs of brain power, horniness absorbing more of his cleverness by the second. “Think of it like a 3D movie, but one you can rub your hands over every single inch of.”

When Billy attempts to stand to follow him, Steve turns him around and presses him back down by the shoulders, “Stay.”

The overwhelmed groan over his shoulder as Billy’s eyes follow his ass walking down the hall towards their bedroom, the pretty silver plug nestled between his cheeks, makes electricity shoot down Steve’s spine.

He’s never felt more wanted in his life.

-

Billy’s pretty. Steve’s known that since the first time he saw him, didn’t even deny it to himself back then, even if he thought it was just aesthetic appreciation. But Steve likes him more now. He doesn’t fake his smiles, isn’t hiding bruises, and he’s trying so hard. Trying to be a good person, for Steve and for their friends, and more importantly, for himself.

So when Steve sits down next to him on the couch, new harness with an average looking navy silicone dildo fed into it, Steve can see him containing some doubt, some wandering thoughts that Steve can’t nail down exactly. Billy’s button-up and slacks lay puddled on the ground nearby, taken off of his free will and leaving him in his black boxer briefs, so at least he isn’t particularly resistant, is trusting Steve with this.

Steve gently taps the leg he wants the harness to go on and Billy lifts it, bends his leg at the knee, and Steve quickly secures the velcro, not too tight but secure. Billy relaxes his leg down, moving his knee in and out to see how it moves. 

“How’s that?” Steve murmurs, absentmindedly grabbing at the head of the silicone cock. It’s a little squishy compared to the rest of it which is rather firm, something about *realism* on Robin’s checklist. Steve shakes his head minutely and reaches for the lube, clearing Rob from his mind as he clicks the bottle open and spreads the gel down the faux phallus, fisting it loosely to make sure it’s coated.

“Hmm?” He prompts when he looks up to Billy. 

Billy’s Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows down hard, like he’d been salivating, “I- yeah, ’s fine, good.”

Steve moves into his space and noses against Billy’s own, trying to be comforting. “Are you okay? It’s alright if you’re not into this.”

“No, no- I want to try. I just. Don’t understand why? Am I…”

Fuck. 

“Billy, this isn’t a replacement. If the past five years isn’t proof enough, let me say it loud and clear, I fucking love your cock.” Billy’s eyes pull up, meeting Steve’s, pupils dark. “Just, sometimes I feel like I’m too overbearing and want to give you options. Let you go at your own pace.”

Billy takes a deep breath, thinking it over. “You’re not overbearing, Stevie. I’m… sorry if I made you feel that way. Sometimes my mind, it gets in the way. And I’ll try really hard to overcome it, and it will make it worse.” Billy’s face tightens as he speaks, shaking his head.

“Hey… it’s alright. Mine is the exact same way. That’s how we ended up here- because I overthink.” Steve emphasises around their general vicinity, dildo and all.

“No, I like this, all of this, I really do.” Billy’s voice drops, and Steve’s eyes fall to his lips, moving forward to touch their lips together. Billy’s fingers trail down and grip at Steve’s right cheek as they kiss, looping his thumb into the strap and letting it snap back against the sensitive skin where his leg and ass meets.

“I want to give you everything you need.”

-

“Do you want me facing away to start?”

Billy considers for a moment.

“Nah. I wanna see your face when you take it.”

When Steve swings his leg over Billy’s thigh, muscled and solid beneath his hands where he balances himself, the feeling of him pressed up against his most sensitive spot makes Steve want to cant his hips against him, spread lube all over his skin, but Steve resists and backs up gently. Billy’s hand trails between his legs back to the slicked up dildo, steadying it in place with a smile so Steve can sink back onto it. 

He goes slow and warms up, not really used to this angle as it’s been quite a while since he’s ridden Billy. It’s very… direct, in Steve’s opinion, but he can appreciate it, especially given the situation.

Steve bends forward, sealing his lips around Billy’s nipple. Billy’s breath hitches and the leg beneath Steve jerks at the suction around the sensitive nerve, suddenly pressing the solid silicone filling him up into his prostate. A graveled moan chokes out of Steve’s throat at the fuzzy tingle inside of him and it fills his mouth, but he doesn’t let it leave him into the open air, just feeds it between his teeth to vibrate back into Billy’s skin. 

The gasp of both pleasure and realization that leaves Billy morphs into a contented groan, grin morphing into something a bit more wicked as he puts his hands on Steve’s obliques to steady him, and starts to tap his toes into the rug beneath their couch. The feeling is too much 

Billy’s breath speeds up at the circle of sensation, and can feel Billy’s now-hard cock twitch against Steve’s arm where it lays at the bend of his hip and upper thigh. Steve pulls back his lips a bit, feral, as they press more firmly into the pebbled up nub. He rolls it back and forth, savouring the gravelly noise Billy whines out as he pulls back, flesh still trapped, before releasing it from it’s furthest point. 

He gently gives a final lick or two over the sensitive flesh as he looks up to Billy, a little bashful with how open and exposed they’re both being, for the first time in a long time. The look of lust and adoration that beams down at him fills Steve’s chest up, warm and pure, and he can’t resist moving up and licking into Billy’s mouth, leaning more into the solidness of his chest. 

Billy’s arms wrap around him in surprise at the movement more into his space, the little startled laugh he makes in reaction bleeding into a pleased moan. They kiss mirthful and messy, like distracted teenagers, desperate to just feel each other’s lips for a moment. Steve continues to grind, slow but firm. Eventually Billy’s hands start to wander, gently traveling down Steve’s spine, pressing into the knobs there in a way that anchors Steve, keeps him from floating away in his mind. Steve likes that, too often he gets wrapped up in his thoughts when he should be feeling.

They move to grip around Steve’s sides, just above his hips, and he breaks the kiss to watch Steve. They breathe at each other for a second, catching their breath, and Steve leans in to nose against Billy’s own, stealing a final quick kiss. Billy’s brows raise a little bit at the tenderness, but he doesn’t push back at all. If anything his eyes soften, skin at the edges crinkling with fondness, it makes Steve feel good, knowing that that means he did good, didn’t smother him. 

Pressure from Billy’s big hands pushes him back down on the firmness inside him that he’d almost forgotten was there. A breathy laugh leaves him, and he tilts his hips up slightly to hit that spot dead on. He presses his hands more firmly into Billy’s shoulder for purchase as his hips speed up again, quickly taking precedence over Billy’s hands. 

Billy’s now-free hands push down Steve’s waistband and wrap around their cocks so fast it punches the last of the air in Steve’s lungs out, and he can’t catch it for the life of him. He pants heavily as he bounces faster but lower in Billy’s lap, fighting dueling sensations, unsure of which to lean more into as hot fire licks up and across his nervous system. 

He moans lowly into the crook of Billy’s shoulder, near silently whispering a mantra of “more, I’m so close, please, please, Billy, please” into his ear. The grip tightens just under the head of his cock and it’s fucking **perfect**. His spine straightens cartoonishly, uncontrolled, and then arches as he comes across Billy’s chest, throwing his too-long-for-comfort hair out of his face, a high pitched moan that he would’ve been embarrassed about a few years ago ripping out of him without permission.

Billy’s mouth is wide open, eyes too, when Steve comes back into his body, riding his orgasm out. Billy’s hands move desperately, milking the last of the sensations running through Steve’s extremities. Just as the feeling is getting to be too much and a whine is building itself in Steve’s throat, Billy comes over his fist with a loud, keening moan. Steve can feel the heat and muscles moving with their cocks still pressed together like they are, and there’s something about it that makes him nostalgic, just the feeling of flesh on flesh. Just it being so uncomplicated, a lock clicking open. Not being worried about silly things. Letting the moment be instead of trying to force it into something it’s not. 

Makes him feel drunk on how in love he is that Billy is willing to grow like this with him, too.

After a moment Steve lifts up and lets the dildo slip out of him, and Billy groans at the sight. His hands release them, moving back to Steve’s hips and tilting his head back to rest it on the back of the couch, breathing still a little erratic as he pants to the sky. The smile on Steve’s face is a permanent fixture as he leans in and presses firm kisses to the stubble collecting on the other’s jawline, little pleased noises rumbling in Billy’s throat as he does. He follows the contours of his face back before pressing a last kiss to the shell of Billy’s ear and murmuring, “That was okay, right?”

Billy breathes for a little bit longer, more deeply now, before responding, a weighty croak in his voice. “Yeah. Yeah- of course, ‘t was great. Did you like it?”

Steve laughs, breathy as he drags his dry lips along the column of Billy’s throat, before straightening up and pushing his hands into the other’s hair at the base of his skull. Billy’s head cradles in his hands as he lowers his head, eyes soft as he looks into Steve’s.

“Hmm? What’d you think?”

“Could get used to it.” Steve’s eyes roll, and then he squeaks when Billy’s hands press into his obliques and back, tickling. Steve leans forward, trying to avoid the onslaught, before Billy too moves forward and captures his lips. The kiss is solid, two or three right after another, before they break apart again. “Nah, it was perfect. We’re totally doing that again, soon.”

“Good. ‘Cause I can so see you on something… bigger.” Steve’s pupils blow out wide, and Billy laughs, pressing a kiss to Steve’s nose as he leans forward, hand trailing behind Steve. “Not right now though. We’re not 17, Stevie.” Steve chuckles, too.

The noise of velcro unlatching startles him a little bit and he looks back to see Billy pulling off the harness, setting it across one of their side tables and laying down, pulling Steve with him to lay on top of him. The gears in Steve’s mind turn before they click into place, and he’s laughing. 

“Oh, no.” 

“What?” Billy stills where he’s getting more comfortable, looking up at Steve curiously.

“I can already hear that noise Pavlov-ing me, and that is not a good thing in my line of work.”

Billy’s eyes roll, but he laughs all the same, “Good one, Harrington, you big fuckin’ nerd.”

-

The picture he sends Robin’s way about a half hour later is a close up of Billy’s face, in the low light of their living room. He’s asleep, a little calm smile on his face, and the picture catches the edge of the velcro and shiny metal o ring on the harness where it’s lying on the side table. 

The captions he sends is, “Thank you, Houston: mission accomplished”

_“im happy for u dingus, but remind me next time i come down never to sit on that couch again. i call dibs on the loveseat for the rest of infinity.”_

He pfffts air through his nose as he lays down half on top of Billy, typing a quick response before setting the phone aside and cuddling into Billy and the squishy duvet around them.

_“Rob I’ve got bad news for you abt that loveseat”_

The last thing he sees when he looks over to the coffee table where his phone is showing his most recent notifications is a gif of Darth Vader dramatically screaming “Nooooo”, and when he chuckles quietly into Billy’s chest beneath him, Billy’s arm comes up and wraps around him. 

Steve lets out a contented sigh as he lets sleep take him. 

Happy.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote the first part in a day when I was really craving some more mature discussions between Steve & Robin and the second half in a single day as well, just a month apart. 
> 
> That second ~half is partially inspired by this _incredible_[ review ](https://thebiggayreview.com/sportsheets-strap-on-thigh-harness/) by The Big Gay Review! I highly recommend a read if you're curious abt the equipment in this fic! 
> 
> [ harringrove tumblr ](https://pixielle-etc.tumblr.com/) | [ twitter ](https://twitter.com/pixielle22/)


End file.
